Sometimes you just know...

I just finished watchin the last season of "The Game." I love this show,It jus may tops "The hills", naw never mind im pushing it lol. Its hilarious, and the plots are awesome, Tasha Mack is crazy and cant keep a man, you got the interracial relationship of cheap Jason and Kel, & last but not least theres Derwin and Mel. No its not your typical relationship because he was pro-football player and the life they live. But the things him and Mel went through are very real. Their relationship shows almost every up and down that can happen. They thought things were gonna be easy and farity tale. First Mel went against her parents and moving in with Derwin. I know parents are protective and want the best for their kids, espcially girl lol. This showed it was a hard thing for Mel to do, having to prove her parents wrong. Mel turned down his proposal. Then Derwin cheated, which im sure alot of girls could relate to. From there it seems their relationship started spiraling down hill. They both did things out of spite, both lost and confused. Making decisions without thinking and kept hurting each other along the way. They didnt know moving on would be easier said then done. But through it all they finally realized they were still in love. They had to answer whether love would be enough to keep them together. I think Its up to you to decide if its worth it. Mel had to deal with Derwin getting another girl pregnant and taking 2nd place to his kid. She finally faced her parents. Even tho Derwin got Janel pregnant and although he cared for her, he knew he still loved Mel. They didnt give up. I know this show is scripted but it really does show the realness when it comes to relationships. Through all the adversity Mel and Derwin made it. On the last episode Derwin said that "sometimes you question how do you know if you've found the right one?" Mel you can feel it, "You just know! I Know"

Tables Turned...

I cant begin to fathom why i told Michael was pregnant. I can tell he was nervous when he asked, "What do you mean you're pregnant, What about the birth control?"
I began to explain, "You know I've been sick the past two months and the doctors have been running test to figure it out. He took me off the pills to see if it would help. Mike'l promise i was gonna tell you."
I could barley finish my sentence. He replied anxiously, "What you trynna get me caught up? What the hell is wrong with you?When were you gonna tell me Sharon."
"And when were you gonna tell me you weren't leaving your wife asshole?"
Considering his tone i could tell he was pissed. "That doesnt matter. Damn it Sharon, what are you gonna do?" I simply tell him, "I dont know? But i gotta go, Bye." "Bye Sharon, Ill call you later. Do not call me please." and he hung up.

I knew exactly what i was gonna do. I'm not going to do anything because Im not pregnant. Thank God, Im too young to have kids. I figured maybe he would have no choice but to stay. Its the only thing i could think of, I dont know how im gonna get out of this one. I always tend to put myself in situations my parents warned me to stay away from. I'm 26, smart, successful, good career; but it seems the only thing im missing is a family. He promised to leave his wife to be with me but reality has set in that its not going to happen. On top of that I freaking sick and cant figure out what the problem is. I have a headache right now and feel so weak. My next appointment isnt til next week. I'm spose to work tomorrow, I dont think its gonna happen. Speaking of work i have to call my John back unfortunately. He's the senior partner at the firm.

Hoping he doesnt pick up while its ringing, but he does. "Hey John you called?"
"Yeah Sharon, i was just wondering if everything was ok and if you were comin in tomorrow?" he asked. Im thinking it would be sweet if he wasnt such a jerk. I tell him that i didnt know yet and i'd call him later to let him know for sure. I hate having to work with him. John actually got me on the firm, so i guess he feels like i own him something sometimes. He's a male whore also known as a player, inconsiderate and selfish, you can say our relationship is more like Love hate.

The week comes and goes and the doctor ran some more test see why my blood was so low. He said the results should be back in a week. Michael text me to say that he's gonna fly in a few days. Thats a bittersweet feeling because I cant wait to see him then again i dont know if i should tell him in not pregnant. Until he gets here, I got to work for a few days when i can. The next day made it work and found that John did most of my work for me which was nice. The most considerate thing hes done since Ive been workin here for 3 years. Besides, he owes me because i did the same thing for him a few months ago. On our lunch break Michael calls me, "Hey Sharon, what are you doin? and Im in town. Come to the apartment when u get off." Nervously i reply, "Im at lunch with John. But ill be home around 6." Michael doesnt care for John, so probably shouldnt have told him that. Then again, i know why.

The day goes by and i arrive to my apartment to see his rental car out front. I walk in the door and Michael is sitting on the couch. I could cut the tension of the room with a knife. I figured i'd speak first, "Hey Michael, its good to see you." He asks, "Why in the hell were you eating lunch with that Nigga? what you fuckin' him again since we having problems." For some reason I knew he was gonna trip about that because A year ago, i was sleeping with John while i was with Michael. Sarcastically i respond, "Michael dont act like you care, and you married so what if i was? But no im not, since I've been sick he just took me to lunch."
"So how far are you along Sharon?" which i knew was coming next. Dreading to answer, i make up a time frame, "Two months and counting. And no i dont know what im gonna do, before you ask."
"Well you better figure something out because i dont want anymore kids Sharon. My kids are grown almost out of school. What do i look like 43 with a new born?" Disappointed by his answer, i just leave the room to go to my bedroom. I can hear the front door open as i walk in my room. I guess hes gone to the bar to get a drink. At this point i dont really care where he goes, im just depressed. I cant be because im not pregnant but its the thought of him not wanting to start a family like he said he would. I get ready for bed and check my voice mail. The results are in from my test last week so i have to go to the office tomorrow morning. Im laying down and I hear Michael come in stumbling. I knew he went to the bar, i hate it when he drinks. He makes his way to the bed and i just pretend im sleep although its almost 1.

The next morning I make it to the doctors office and back home. Michael is still in bed which isn't surprising. I open the blinds, vacuum, and start to clean the apartment on purpose knowing he would be aggravated. He gets up eventually and makes his way to the kitchen where I am. "Where breakfast woman, im hungry?" Nonchalantly i reply, "I had an appointment, and you should try the bar since that where you want to spend most of your time."
"Im sorry, but Sharon this is a lot to handle. How did it go, what did they say?" as if hes concerned. Insteading of dragging the conversation, i tell him, "Everything is fine, theres nothing to worry about. And im not keeping it. The abortion is in a few days." By the look on his face and his body language, i could tell he was relieved. He come to me and hug me but it doesnt feel like the way he used to. "You know i love you Sharon, but this is the best decision for you and me both babe." I guess this is his way of trying to console me but it doesnt help. No one can help me right about now. My bigger picture and dreams in life are crushed. To play it down i tell him, "I know you're right. I love you too." He tells me hes leaving later this evening to go back home. To drained to discuss it, i just say okay and call me when you get there. I go back to lay down for a few hours.

As the days go by, it feels as if im getting worst. The prescription the doctor gave me helps a little but not on my bad days. Michael promised he would call when he got home and of course he hasnt. What if i was really pregnant and got an abortion? he wouldnt even have cared. He promised alot of things that he didnt do. Frustrated and depressed i sit and think how i put myself in this situation. How everything is falling apart and theres not much i can do about it. I text Michael to see why he hasnt called me. He says that hes been busy with work and family stuff. Pissed off i call him and surprisingly he answers.

"Sharon what do you want? I told you i've been busy."
I ask him, "Why didn't you call like you said? Why havent you done the things you promised?" He then tells me, "Im sorry but i already told you im not leaving my wife
I love her. Its time to move on. You're young, you can find someone else. Just leave me and my family alone please?"
"Youre gonna get whats coming to you Michael. I've never told your wife about us but i think its time she know since were being so honest."
He threatens me by saying, "You do that and you'll regret it i promise. He furious by the tone in his voice. I hang up the phone in his face. He calls and text me but i dont answer nor reply.

Later i begin to write a letter to his wife explaining our affair which is pretty detailed, so im sure she will believe it. I also attached some photos of us and emails exchanges to seal the deal. I send it for next day delivery to make sure she gets them as soon as possible. Which he did because the next day i had about 50 missed calls from him. I decide to call him back and of course i got the reaction i wanted. We argue back and forth. He tells me how he hates me, calls me a bitch and that i ruined his life. what he said must have hit a nerve i guess because i then tell him, "You ruined my life if anything, making false promises, Asshole. This whole thing wasnt real to you. You never took me serious, just all fun and games." He then tells me, "You didnt have to freakin send that stuff to my wife. Told you from day one how it was so dont blame me. You were screwing John and me so dont come at me about all fun and games.

I asked with out a care in the world, "Now am i suppose to feel sorry for you now that the tables are turned? What about me? At least you have a family and a life because im a dead man walking."

Sounding confused he asks, "Sharon what the hell are you talking about?"
And i begin to tell him, "Im HIV positive. Didnt you get the results in the packet i sent?"

What about me?

Im laying down trying to squeeze five more minutes in to sleep before work, i hear his cell ring on the night stand. I'm thinking, "Should I look while hes in the bathroom?" "I know its her so why even bother?"
So i yell to him, "hey your phone, you want me to get it?" knowing he doesnt like me lookin in his phone. He walks in and replies with a smerk, "Woman stop playin!" He picks it up and calls back the number. I get up and get ready for work. Im in the bathroom washing my face but i can hear his conversation.
"Hey baby, yeah I made it safe to the hotel. I'm getting ready to go to the office in a few. I'll call to you later. I love you too."

I dont think anything of it because I'm used to it by now, i mean we have been dating 5 years now. Plus hes getting a divorce because the kids are almost out of school. Its almost like a routine. As I'm getting dressed he comes up to me from behind to hug me.

"Baby stop I'm trying to get dressed. I'm gonna be late if I dont leave in ten minutes, seriously." Knowing that I love being in his arms. It makes me feel so secure and his cologne doesnt help.
He replies with a smart comment, "I can help you get back undressed in two minutes."
I tell him, "I'll pass, Ive had a enough for one night my friend." I laugh and grab my purse while trying to put on my other heel. As i walk out the door he says, "knock em' dead babe, I love you." I simply reply, "You know it, I love you more."

The door shuts behind me and as i always do, i wonder if he's going to call her back. I get to work just before my supervisor, good thing because I'm trying to become junior partner at my law firm. Its Tuesday and i hate Tuesdays. I have to make sure all the clients paper work is done and filed correctly for their court dates. I have to call them to make sure they show up. I Shouldn't have to make sure they come, they are adults. But then again, they pay me.

Its been a long day, so i took a break to call Him to see if were still on for lunch. He didnt answer so i left a message. I wonder what hes doing because hes off today. I start back to work for a while. Two hours passed and he still hasnt called, I can feel the uneasiness in my stomach. I dont know if its because its Tuesday or its nausea. I try texting him, "Hey are you still meeting me at Bob's for lunch?" He replies, "No babe im sorry, something came up. Im so sorry baby ill make it up to you i promise. I have to fly home asap. I'll call you later."

Why am i not suprised? Man, i was so looking forward to lunch. We were going to make plans for our anniversary coming up. I guess i'll order chinese for take out and wait for 5 o'clock to strike to go home and watch "How to lose a guy in 10 days" for the 100th time this month.

Five O'clock finally came, I walk up my steps with the take out in my hand because i couldn't eat it earlier. That had to be the longest day ever. Its now ten and he still hasn't called. I call my girl friend, Shante to see what shes up to and tell her bout him skipping town. Shante doesnt like him at all and tells me i need to leave him, im wasting my time. I think its because of the age difference, Im only 26 and he's 43. I tell her, Im not wasting my time because hes gonna divorce his wife soon. She never wants to hear it, but we talk for a minute. Until i tell her, "Well girl i gotta go ill talk to you later. I dont feel good i need to get some sleep." She replies with the usual, "aight holla at cha girl!" She so ghetto but i love her.

The movie is over and its now 2 a.m. and still no call or text. I would but i know the rules, I cant call him if hes home. I try to lay down but my stomach is killing me. Motrin is normally the answer, so i pop three and go to sleep.
The next morning was worst than the night before. I call out of work, the season is changing and its cold up here in the north so maybe its the flu. The only good thing about the morning is he called. He said the one of the kids had an car accident but they're fine and he will try to fly back out in the next two days. I guess im content with that anwser but i let him go so i can go to the doctor.

The next few days were off and on. I tried to work but couldnt handle all the stress. and on top of that He hasnt called me in a 2 weeks. This has never happened and i dont know what to do. I know the rules but i just had to call. He picks up after the third ring with a mono tone voice like everything is cool.
"Why havent you called me? I thought you were flying back out?" "whats going on?"
He tells me, to hold on. I can hear her in the background. "what are you doing calling me. You know youre not spose to call me when im home. what do you want?"
In shock, I reply, "What do you mean what do i want? What's your problem?"
He ten tells me, "Im not leaving my wife, im sorry. I decided to just work things out." "Thats the only and nicest way i can tell you. I was gonna call you soon."
Im sure he could hear the anger in my voice as it trimbles, "what the hell? Soon when? Why all of a sudden and youre gonna just throw the past 5 years away?" "You promised when the kids were almost done with college you were gonna leave?"
The flatness of his voice makes it seems as of he doesnt care, and tell me "Im sorry, my family needs me."
I begin to breakdown cryin trying to tell him, "Im pregnant,I need you! What bout me? "

I can do bad all by myself.

I applaud Tyler perry for his hard work and dedication to what he loves most. All that he went threw didnt make him give up but only made him stronger and strive for success. Ive loved his work from day 1. All of his plays are awesome. I must say this Madea Character is beyond amazing. You can be having the worst day on this earth but pop in a Madea play or movie, i bet that frown will turn upside down. But i finally got to see I can do bad all by myself. It was soooo Goood, and i love Taraji. Shes such a good actress. But this movie was so funny, I was literally crackin up Lol. I also cried, (sorry im sentimental lol) but it was a tear jerker! The thing about Tyler work is that they all have messages. There's always a moral to the story and inspiration.

Well i went with my old friend Jet bcuz i stood him up the time before. He's recovered from the flu but we went to TGIF. It was good i got Chicken pasta. I havent been to TGIF since like march but its was kool. So we ate then went to the movie theater and i had to use the restroom. So im walking towards it. I read the sign that said Ladies left and Men right. As i walk i get side tracked by a text message. Im reading it walking into the restroom when i look up and theres a Guy doin his last shake. I walked into the mens restroom. OMG i covered my eyes while laughin and turned around!!!!! I couldnt believe i did that. the guy was crackin up. I walk out and keep straight to the ladies and i glance at Jet like why didnt u say anything lol I was so embarrassed because there were other ppl around. But Jets kool He just laughed at me. Hilarious stuff i tell you. wish you couldve seen it lol. anyways if u havent seen the movie go do so, you'll enjoy it! :)

Pick up lines... smh

I thought pick up lines were so old school! Believe it or not guys still use them lol...It cracks me up. How are u gonna tell me the same thing u told someone else 10 min ago.

Hey beautiful/gorgeous is proly the worst lol well to me. Am i spose to blush... NOT! Thanks but my mom actually told me those things growing up so i it doesnt come as a surprise when guys say. And I dont go lookin for guys to tell me that to feel confident. Dont get me wrong he proly feels that way really and its nice at first but after i've told u my name, u can stop callin me beautiful every 5 seconds when referring to me because your now over using it.

As you know I play basketball, but if i hear another guy ask me, "If we can play one on one? what were playing for?" Im gonna scream! literally! another one is "When u gonna let me play for your heart?" NEVER lol... This is not love and basketball although i absolutely love that movie. I love basketball, but its not all I do. So dont talk to me about it 24/7 its annoying unless its about King James! i can talk about him all day!

The myspace/facebook game is so Lame! Youre proly on there messaging 50 million girls a day copying and pasting the same message hoping they respond. Then if they do, u play if off like u aint try to kick game! Shut up, yeah you are. i bet over half the guys that send these annoying messages have girl friends which is disgusting and sad. I know this because i've been that girlfriend on the other end lol. anyways I dont even read these messages 95% of the time, just Delete! lol it kills me when they send multiple messages after I havent replied to first one, funny stuff i tell ya.

ex. Whats up Ma? how are you doin? My name is ..... I just had to say something because you are gorgeous. You have a pretty smile too. You seem kool & I would like to get to kno u better, if dats cool.

No its not cool lol. I just got one last night which inspired this post that said "WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON MYSPACE?" lol if this isnt funny then idk what is. Thank you but its very cliche and Lame, lol nice try tho. Some of the things these dudes say is silly. Some actually send dang biographies. From their name to there DNA, dude i dont wanna know you! The Whats up shawty/MA/Sexy are very annoying. Im sorry but dont come at me like that, its not cute nor attractive.

Im not gonna sit here and bash ALL of them because i do respond to a few like 5%, but the guy has to be cute/ handsome and i gotta be bored lol! But its nothing more than myspace/facebook friendship. This social network game these guys spit may actually work with a few females. Some girls respond and they actually end becoming friends w/ the guy, eventually evolving from friendship to relationship! But hey if thats your thing then do you, youre just having fun right!


PEACE.LOVE.HAPPINESS

Random...

Never thought I'd live to see the day Atlanta would flood.
This pic below is of a teammates house. I could even begin to image when i heard. The first thing i said was NO WAY! then i seen the pics and it was very clear. Its soo sad.. not only for her and her family, at least no one was hurt. But My prayers are definitely with those across the city who lost there homes. Just gos to show that anything can happen. take nothing for granted because things, even life can be here one day and gone the next.

Before


After



Well Its HUMP DAY aka Wednesday! :)
the week is almost over... practice then more studying. Im starting to feel like things are very routine which makes me feel like somethings missing. Idk it just may be me... lol But something needs to shake... i have an idea but ill keep that to myself hehe... The season will be here soon so thats good! I know that because our kicks came in :)
LEBRONS

CHANGES....

I know people can change, I have my own testimony. Circumstances can change as well, but i dont understand why some people dont. They are content with where they are in their lives. Wether it be economically, Spiritually, or relationship wise. They're nonchalant about things that should be important or just doesnt care. Personally i done get it.

I know I dont want to have to worry about living pay check to pay check. I work hard now so that i can Play later sorta speak. I know some people grow up struggling in a low encome family, ok fine but you would think that should make them want or strive for better. Not in all cases, some feel that they stuck i guess, letting that situation define who and what theyre gonna be. No thats not who are you, thats just a status that can change dramatically but its up to you.

Im a woman of God, and this didnt happen over night. It took growth, experience, and support over the yrs. Something i take great pride in these days! But i dont understand it when people say they wanna change but still stuck doing the same things they did saturday night before church sunday morning. Its not gonna jus happen you gotta make it happen, its something that you have to want. Its not gonna be a easy road but anything worth having isnt gonna come easy. Open up your heart to Jesus, hes waiting. He wants the best for your but you also have to want it. Stop talking about it and be about it! I promise you wont regret it :)

Sincere relationships doesnt seem to exist these days. Any kind of relationship, wether its pure friendship, or significant others. Its hard to find someone that is consistant, loyal, and genuine with todays generation. Relationships take work and compromise, dont ask God to send you someone then dont do your part. You just dont appreciate that person and eventually taking advantage of their love for you. They get tired of it and you say you'll change. Well if you truelly care you change. And not just tell them things you think they want to hear to keep them around. Im not talkin about just changing for a week Because what you do in the dark will come to light eventually. But you should change for the better if its something you really want because Healthy relationships are great! Theres nothin like having true Love and someone that you know, no matter what has your back.

Just feel like bloggin....

ITS FRIDAY
Its been raining all week! Its not a big deal to me, it definitely helps me sleep like im sure it does everyone else lol...
I only had two classes this morning so now im waiting for practie at 2 to go home...yayy! Idk why im so happy because i have absolutely no plans lol. Oh well i jus love sleepin in my Bed! :)
Maybe me and my good Friend Jet will hang. Idk because he had the flu all Week, Poor thing :(
Me and Jet went to high school together, He was also my first REAL boyfriend. You know you have the middle school boyfriends but they dont count bcuz you dont date you just see each other @ skool and talk on the phone occasionally you know lol so I say real bcuz i could actually go on dates and hang out to get to know each other. He was a senior and i was a freshman, we both played ball, he was the star and i was the upcoming star lol (kiddin) This was my first yr at this skool, i didnt know anyone bcuz we jus moved to the area. So dating him gave a few kool points with the "In-crowd" along with my Coolness Lol! but he ended up going to school while i had 3 more yrs of HS left. We stayed pretty cool for a while then kinda stop communicating. Lost numbers and doing our on thing played a part. So its been almost 3yrs until this summer that we actually hung out. So now we communicate on the Regular which is kool! I enjoy his company, He's different, thats my buddy!
Im lookin foward church this weekend! I love my pastor, hes so geniune and down to earth! He delivers the message so well, i totally understand his points and what the Lord is speaking thru him to tell me! Praise and worship the best! My cousin plays the guitar but he like sooooo coool with it. Hes not like 23 more like 53 which make it even cooler! but i guess we'll see what the weekend have in store for me but for now i g2g! have a blessed day you guys!

PEACE LOVE HAPPINESS

His Will...

Its been a while bloggers, Ive been pretty busy here lately with school, ball, and my internship. I just had to post this blog about my growth over the past few yrs & my relationship with the man upstairs. Im so happy with life right now and where im at, not saying everything is perfect 24/7 but I truelly have a different outlook about life.

I grew up in the church. If i wasnt with my grandmother, an evangelist, my mom definitely had me and my sister there. I actually remember when my grandmother taught me how to pray. I was about 4 or 5 and I say that prayer til this day but along with more things. Of course i've aged so i'd say is more advanced from the age of 5 lol. I sang in the church choir from about 10- 17, even lead a few songs. I was baptized when i was 13. Im no stranger to Father, Son, and Holy ghost. So i guess i can say i've always had a relationship with God but During my adolescent i really didnt understand that u just cant go to church to go to heaven. During high school, i was in church evey sunday, some days of course because my mom dragged me. Stayed out Saturday nights partying with friends. But i managed to make it up at 8 am every Sunday. Still singing in the choir and bible studies along with other church activities throughout the week. It never crossed my mind until now i really wasnt growning spiritually because i was still of the world and doing things i wasnt spose to like partying and takin things for granted. Not really being thankful for things like most teenagers do.

I go to college, & yeah i did get to experience the "College Life". I did my work but i must say my partying out weighed my studying. I didnt attend church not nearly as much as i should've. I blamed it on the distance because my school was 2 hrs away from home. (LAME EXCUSE I KNOW) because there were plenty of churches i couldve attended around my school. So mostly my freshman i partyed with the home girls and lost touch with my spiritual side. During my sophomore year i stopped the partying and drinking. It simply got old, i didnt enjoy it was much as i used to. I knew i wasnt living right so i stopped. Although i stopped, still didnt attend church or read my bible. But i was merely just ACTIN GOOD, which doesnt give u the key to the pearly gates. It was a start.

I transferred schools, and decided to transfer to a Christian school where i am now. Its not much to do around here. Its small but the most important part is i like it. When i first got here it was a totally different vibe from what i was used to. I must say that it was almost wierd lol. The people around seem different, kind odd, so i was like "what did i get myself into." I told myself this could be a good thing and embrace it. The first year here i kinda went through the motions. We have these services on Tuesdays and Wednesdays that is mandatory called Chapel and convocation. I skipped a few. we're also required to take bible classes. I really didnt care for those at first bcuz they were long and kinda boring. I still hung out and partied occasionally. So one day i was thinking, "I'm taking steps back". That's not what i wanted so i stopped gain, attended church on the regular besides school and did more studying of the bible. And really focused on my relationship with God. But i struggled with how people (FRIENDS) would think of me and that i wouldnt be able have fun anymore.

So i then prayed about it and God spoke to me. I shouldnt care what people think of me, it only matters to him and how he perceives me. And that it was time to stop playin and get serious about it and thats what i did. I took what i learned in my bible classes and applied them to my personal studies in the bible. Since opening my heart to him and embracing my situation with my school i must say its the best decision i've made ever. Im such a happier person, it feels like i have this new Inner peace. Im able to not hold grudes and forgive people. Ive grown alot closer to my family on my dads side. I take nothing for granted and more optimistic than ever about any situation. Its amazing how He works and reveals himself. Im soooooo thankful for Him and all he has done for me. If i had a thousand tongues i couldnt say thank you enough. I keep him first at all times bcuz i know everything else will fall into place even when things dont go my way. I know he will not leave nor forsake me! If no one else has my back he does. When I have no one else to talk i know he's always there to listen. This is the new me like it or not but i dont care because I LOVE IT! Hopefully one day i wanna go on a mission trip because last yr it didnt work out! Ill just pray about it :) I know the devils gonna try attack me from angles but im grounded so i will not fall.

John 14:16-17 (The Message) The Spirit of Truth

If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you. I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!



God Bless♥

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Its my senior yr of college & i had my first day of classes today! So far so good... I think its gonna be a good year as far as academics, and ball as well! It gonna be a lot of studying, and hard work... but im up for it because im ready to get outta here and start my career! my how time flys.... Ill keep this one short and sweet, just wanted write about my first last day of college! :)

day dreaming

Feels like this cycle seems to never end.
Almost like the load of clothes in my whirlwind.
Just thinking about it makes me dizzy,
So ill just put on the ipod and listen to some drizzy.
Im talking about Drake before the influence of Mr. Carter.
I wanna stunt like my daddy, I wouldnt mind being his daughter.
Havin a few homes, relaxing while lookin over some water.
Easing my mind, stress free of hard times.
No more scrapping pennies, nickles, or dimes,
Just to pay my utility bill on time.
Its only a dream to one day have those things.
As I sit here and wonder what tomorrow brings.
Praying to God daily to send me a sign.
That these struggles in life will soon be behind.
He knows my heart and how hard im trying.
I got work to do, so there's no time for crying.
on a journey to get this degree is what i call grinding.
I dont have much more road to travel,
because i can see myself ahead in that cap and gown rotating my tassel.

Always on time!

He's always on time! By he, im talkin about God! so i finally have a chance to write about the situation i was in few weeks ago w/ my tires, and jus being stressed! well i drove my sister's car for two days! i stayed positive praying and God sent grandma to the rescue to get me tires! shes the best, i love her to death! But my last day of work is tomorrow unfortunately cuz i really like it. It was a truelly a blessing to receive the job becuase God sent me there in the nick of time to get some cash flow b4 skool! They say, money makes the world go round!

And as far as the cell go i wasnt really worried about that like my mom was! she kept sayin i needed on the road as i travel to work and stuff. She was right but i wasnt in a rush to get it turned on. U know i realized it actually felt good not being obligated to call/text certain ppl back. instead of it being on my hip everywhere i go, it stayed on my bed for a few days. i didnt have to worry about losin it, or talkin to ppl i realy didnt want to. i had time to myself, kinda shut out from the world which i like doin sometimes. my mom calls me anit-social, lol not the case! but sometimes i jus feel like not talkin to ppl and being to myself. but anyways its on now lol and im textin all day everyday as usual...

But this little storm as i called it, was jus a reminded to stay optimistic and keep the faith because He already has it worked out!

He's Busy i tell ya....

Well just when u think everything is all good... its not! things may go ur way for a minute which makes u may feel like u can finally take a deep breathe & relax! Remember not for to long because somethings gonna come along to make those muscles tense again! Boy, thats the most annoying thing...

I had a few summer goals... one was to find a job asap! Which i did b4 i even got out of shool. Then my second was to have a car by end of summer. God blessed me with it b4 it even came close to end. Well a month into my job i was laid off because lack of work. But i didnt give up i continued to search for jobs. So i finally found one, a GOOD one at that, that i started a wk ago! I love it, its not like my old warehouse job which was aight but this is a govt position sitting at my own desk... woozers :) Still cant believe i landed this one! but anyways its kool and things were goin good....

UNTIL... i just found out i need sum new tires ASAP!! I travel a hr to get to work on the expressway and i absolutely cant drive my car until i do. Guess what work starts tom. @ aproximately 4:00pm! And not to mention my cell is off lol I dont get paid until Thursday! :( it jus seems like if its not one things is another all the freakin time! I cant Win for Losin!

But u know what im keepin the faith! this is just a little thunderstorm im about to pass thru! The devil is busy cuz he knows a blessing is comin my way! Trynna get me down.. no way jose, NOT gonna happen! SO ill be bloggin soon how i got thru this im sure and long with the other blessings ill be recieving!

P.s. times are hard for many but just remember that it can always be worst!

Too Picky Maybe...

What is a pretty girl like you doing single?....

I probably hear this question everyday! And my old answers to that question would be something that sounds good like.. "I havent found the right guy", "I dont know", "I dont have much luck when it comes to men", "There arent any good guys no more", blah blagh blah....

So i actually thought about it one day why i was really single? And i realized it was definitely by choice. Ive come across guys that were attractive/datable but yet never followed thru because it was something they didnt offer and they became "Just Friends".

By my friends, T've been told that im too picky. But i dont think that im too picky, i know what i like/want in the opposite so why should i have to settle for less. I was raised with morals/values/standards so i think that as a lot to do with it. I am realistic with those standards, im not waiting on a tyrese or trey songz to wipe me off my feet. I know that u have to compromise a little when in a relationship. But then again some things are just not compromisable lol (<----i know thats not a word)

Is it too much to want a guy that is doing something with his life. He doesnt have to be in school because school isnt for everyone. But u must be working a steady job not at home chillen. And being at home with moms is cool because im at home but dont be askin moms for gas money every time u leave home. Be goal oriented not complacent with where you are and want more out of life. U must, i mean MUST have a relationship with God & not saying u gotta be in church every Sunday. Someone that has personality and down to earth and intelligence doesn't hurt lol. I will absolutely NOT compromise with a D-boy. If u in the streets selling drugs or you a wanna be thug do not walk up to me. This is the number one turn off. Some girls like the Plies swag but the only thing i like about him is 1/3 of his music. I could go on about the D-boy but just know its not cool, pull your pants up and take that Tall-T down two sizes like Andre 3000 said! gahh so annoying lol but anyways as far as the physical goes, of course you have to look & dress Decent/Cute.

^^^ those are most of the standards, well at least the most important ones so if that makes me too picky oh well lol ill be single until i find someone that fits the criteria!

Giving away your 20's....

I was listening to Frank ski & Wanda morning show about marriages and what makes them work.... Frank said that he believes no one should give away their 20's meaning dont get tied down aka married during that time. He said that your 20's is when you should be experiencing life and having fun.

A male caller gave his opinion on what makes marriage work. He was so sure that his views were correct and was thinking about writing a book. The male is now on his 4th marriage and hes only 35 He feels this woman is the ONE. WOW... his 1st one was when he was 21, his 2nd marriage was at the age 24 and 3rd at 29. Just because this dude been married 4 times doesnt make him an expert but if u could have heard the things he was saying I'd call him an idiot lol.

Im starting to feel like Frank, not saying that you should hop from one person to the next! Theres nothing wrong with having a main boo ya know lol... But if you seriously think about it most people really aren't ready for marriage during this age (20's). Youre still growing up, learning, & living life. If you have a significant other u feel is the ONE take your time and make sure, there's No need to hurry and be hubby/wifey. If u dont make sure your just gonna contribute to this alarming high divorce rate these days!

Pressure to Date?

just curious to see what you guys think... i am guilty of this myself in the past im sure there are others that has felt the same way.....

Lets say you've been single for a while which you are pretty content with. You're kinda nonchalant about dating, its not really a big deal if you do or dont. Well thats until u think about it, u realize everybody and their mom has a man lol. Or u call up every girlfriend of yours one weekend to hang but they all are busy with the boyfriends/significant others. Some may invite you to tag along but being the 3rd wheel all the time isnt too fun! So you pass & u stay at home to do the usual.... NOTHING! lol or you could look thru your contacts to try find a potential guy friend to group date/chill so u could hang with your friends. But as u scroll down your not too excited or thrilled about the names you go by. Then U kinda begin to feel pressured to get back into the dating scene. As you think about it, Where do you start? you cant go back to ones youve dated before cuz theres a reason you guys arent dating now im sure! You're not suppose to just go looking for someone! And you dont wanna look obvious or desperate by askin guys out, thats what i think atleast! lol

So do you let the pressure die down eventually? Or Are you the type that lives up to the pressure and dates?

Updates, updates, updates....

So far this summer i haven't blogged in a while! mostly cuz i was workin pretty heavy and another is cuz im lazy! i've had plenty of stuff to write about but once i get on here i jus havent felt like typing about it! But here i am today with about 6 wks b4 i head back to EC campus in franklin springs, GA!

Anyways from the picas as you can see i FINALLY reached one of my goals!! I got a NEW car!!!!!! well not new but better than my old one hehe.... but i love it :)
its an eclipse, and honestly i used to love theses things when i was in like 8th grade. It feels so good to be able to finally jus get up and Go if i want. Not havin to worry about havin rides!!! So im sooo glad God has blessed me with a new car, i truelly thank him!




On a nother note a few weeks ago, i went with one of my home girls to a club called the velvet room. It was birthday bash wkend and this club was not our 1st option. We wanted to go to libra/esso but the wait and price was Re-Dunkulous! lol like 2hr wait and 40+ dollars! i dont club much & jus cuz it was bday bash dont mean im bout to pay 40 bucks for a club... wasnt happening !so we was like lets just go to the velvet room and call it a nite! so we go and jus make the best of it! well were just vibin and the DJ comes on & says MISS KERI BABY!! well keri walks thru to the vip! im like wow she so pretty! I LOVE keri, shes a new artist but i love her style/music! so she up there and im takin pics wit my phone like wow! lol i was pretty shocked then shes handin out free shots of patron! of course i get one... i was stooked! well if thats isnt enough, I get a VIP bracelt that she hands out to go chill in VIP!! OMG... dude im actually textin my mom at 1 o'clock in the am tell her keri gave me a shot of patron and im chillin in VIP!! she was u go girl lol!! but i had so much fun! We didnt expect to have as much fun as we did! but that situation jus reminds me no matter what jus make the best of some situations cuz u never know what might happen!

so im having a pretty decent summer so far!!! :)

The Hangover

I went in see this movie last night and i must say its by far the funniest movie ive seen in a long time! it was truly funny from beginning to end! I was kinda skeptical at first because i thought they just showed the funny parts on the previews to get you to see it. But i went anyways and was very pleased! i want to see it again lol But a thumbs up in my book :)

Ri-Ri

SO I was jus browsin the net and came across some possible demos and singles for Rhianna new album! Im a big fan a Rihanna, i love her style and music which has definitely evolved over the past few years and she continues to grow! Despite the incident with Chris i think she gonna bounce back and come back even harder! But i came across these two song which i absolutely love already and decided to share!

Geesh -Loo- Weesh..

I just felt like saying that! lol but anywho im so sore... gaaahhh i started workin out this week! you know kinda toning up, not trynna get big muscles, just toning up! Everyone that knows me know that i HATE workin out! i get asked alot if i do because i am athletic and ppl can tell! Not manly or anything but when they ask my first answer is "NO I HATE WORKIN OUT" lol. They go, "REALLY". And I go "Yeah, I really dont"! Then they ask "how do u stay in shape?". I say, "I just play ball and run sometimes" lol... Its true...

But i never cared for working out since high school. I always did the minimum lol. Most ppl use to say that i should since i play ball to help me get better. But it didnt really matter or affect my game because its high school and most of my opponents were my size. I was a 1 or 2 guard then and No one really bigger than me. I still played my game, gettin better season after season without working out. From my freshman year to senior year my ppg, stl, and, reb improved. While other teammates dropped off or stayed average while workin out. So I just didnt see a point for the weight room.

Boy how my point of view has changed after my sophmore year on the court lol! College is different... Especially with me being 5'7 135 lbs as a 3 gaurd not much body mass at all. Most ppl that i play against these days are 5'8 -5'9 140-150 and seem like they work out with Arnold Schwarzenegger. And the 3 guard on the team we played was always they're best player. I didnt know Russians could hoop lol I had a pretty good year last yr. But next season will be different. Im so lookin forward to it, so i guess thats why im workin out for real for the first time in about well for the first time hehe.... Im so motivated to next season cuz I can really do some damage on the court along with my teammates.

I want a RING, ive never won a championship, def. came close but never won! thats all im focused on and my reason for actually workin out and on my game this summer. so I know this week of being sore will pay off, it has to! Or im gonna be pretty ticked lol

Wait Patiently...

Sitting around just watching the clock.
Tapping my fingers consistently to the tick-tock.
I'm Anxious as i can be,
but the brain tells me to wait patiently.

I sit and wonder how long its gonna be?
Maybe a few hours, tomorrow, or even next week!
There is still a chance you see,
And to know that is all i need.

My hopes are so high I could touch the sky,
I glance at the clock, but only 10 minutes went by.
So Ill just continue to sing the tunes of R&B,
No not the genre if you know what i mean.

Ive learned that things arent always as they seem.
So next time there will be no insecurities.
I remember when you did the same thing for me,
That only motivates me to wait patiently!

Wake up! Smell the coffee...

So i just totally had a rude awaking, well not really rude lol but jus had a few thoughts cleared up for me! Wow, i kinda knew it was gonna happen up here on this surface, but i must say deep down, somewhere in my gut i didnt want it to! Then again i kinda feel relieved! Im so glad its cleared up tho, now thats one less thing to have my mind runnin 100 mph lol. I really feel like i can move on and put it in the past cause that hope, love, & memories is gone! well the hope anyways and maybe a little love. I think some memories will always be there tho! The growth over the past yr is amazing and goin back to the past would only cause a relapse. Thanks for reminding me of that...

"Its called the past cuz im getting past, Im nothin like i was before, you oughta see me now!" -Alicia keys.

The past isnt something i ever want again because i deserve better :) And I know ill get better! Im just expressin my thoughts about this awaking because i definetly smell the coffee! Folgers in my cup hehe....

Ps. Thanks

I got a Story to tell...

So im at the DMV today because as u know i turned 21 last weekend so i wanted the under 21 off of course and new pic. I've had the same one since i was 15 lol but anyways my mom, aunt and sister went with me. When i walked in i caught eye contact with a guy for a milli sec. I was jus scanning the room and he was lookin at me. So im at the counter and i noticed out the corner of my eye buddy was still hawking me down! i get my form and then We're jus sittin there waiting on my number to be called and chatting! While we chat i glanced up and buddy is still looking! so im like dang he must know me! but During this chat my mom suggested me get my hair cut back down while we're on that particular side of town! (GOOD idea mom, cuz i was definetly thinkin the same thing that morning..hehe) so i called Cat and she said i could jus walk in (YES)! lol but on another note i get off the phone and Guess whos walkin my way?????????

Ole dude (Chris)... so i look and i dont know him! Mind u my mom, sister and aunt is beside me... so he comes and sit in front of me, turns around and heres exactly how the convo went:

Chris: hey whats your name?
ME: Brittany and yours?
C: Chris.
Me: Do i know you?
C: no, why u say that? Cuz i came and sat back here to talk to you?
Me: Yeah pretty much. So you from around here?
C: No im from college park.
Me: What are you doin way down here, u drive?
C: Oh no, im with my uncle so he can get his license.
Me: Oh ok! how old are you?
C: 19 but ill be 20 in june, and you?
Me: oh lucky you but im 21.
C: dang yeah but i aint 21.
Me.Are you in school?
C: NO i bout to enrolled in a technical school tho.
Me: Well thats good, i gotta go my numbers called!

So i get up lol gave him no chance to ask for my number and finish my stuff! and while i was line i seen him eventually just go outside! First of all buddy had a Tall white T and baggy jeans and dingy white 1's! i guess he doesnt know its 2009 lol his lips were black as day like he smokes all day, so pretty much not my type at all! But he did have gorgeous hair! It was so pretty but thats about it! i just thot that was funny when i thot about it! i dont think a dude has ever come up to me while i was with my mom or aunt! kid had balls tho....

How it used to Be!

I'm not going to lie,I can't even count the days
Or the many nights I tried living here alone
A heart full of pride
Couldn't see the enemy was me
I was blind and thought my second chance was gone
A ship without a sail
Battered by the raging sea
Taking any love I can to try and stop the rain
While waiting to exhale I finally got on my knees
I know it's been a long time
Do you still remember my name?

Can I go back in time?
Can I have another try?
But I can't change yesterday

I Can't take another day without you
Cause this heart don't beat the same without you
I forgot who I was
Got caught up in this world
JESUS I apologize
I should've lost my mind without you
Not another sleepless night without you JESUS
I'm sorry and I'm asking please
Make me how I used to be

I try and try to keep my mind on you
But trouble keeps calling me
Every time a wound heals
Something else takes the healing away
But even when I've gone too far
You don't even call my name
Mama said if you love let it go
And if it comes back then it's back to stay
You already knew I belong to only you
I run to your arms and say

Thank You JESUS

Never knew a life so cold
Thought that things could fulfill my soul
Tried to find LOVE on my own
It was hard to admit I was wrong
BUT THAT'S THE 1ST STEP...
I don't know what's gonna happen that's alright with me. I open up my arm and just Embrace the mystery

BitterSweet....

I was thinking, Why is starting over such a bittersweet feeling? YOu just got out of a relationship for whatever reason, your ready to just forget about it and move on i guess! But then again youre not!

You want to meet a new guy/girl and to get to know them, hope theyre better than the ex, help u move on & get over the past, The idea of just dating and having fun is kool, etc. And the honeymoon stage of dating someone new is always fun which makes the idea pretty sweet.

But Then you feel like you just spent all your time with this ex and now u gotta start over and get to know someone else, meetin the fam, and all that other stuff that goes along with dating someone new! The process of starting over can suck because u spend your time gettin to know someone else then theres always a chance of it not working out! Which makes u feel like forget it, and kinda put it on the back burner making you kinda bitter!

Determined!!

SO im home for summer from School! Like the past 3yrs, every summer I come home and find a job then count down the days to return to school! first off thank God for me having the job esp. in this day and economy but the jobs are warehouse jobs most of the time! Its not hard work, mostly packing clothes, objects, things in boxes for 8 hrs! The Thing is.... i cant see myself doing it for the rest of my life everyday! If i cant do it for 3mths while would i want to forver lol Thats why since my freshman yr ive takin school alot more serious and focused! Because i know if i dont succeed in school then ill be workin these dead end jobs livin pay check to pay check! SO me dreading goin to workin those early mornings some how only motivates me and make me more determined to reach those goals i have! Because i see a bigger picture... and its beautiful! Im determined!!! I just want to be successful, i want the money, cars and clothes lol

Updates!!!!

So i came home this past wkend with one week of school left! Sunday i got to pack my stuff to get ready for all my finals and come back home! well i get a text sayin check my email! The email basically stated that all finals were optional! (At that moment I love small PRIVATE schools lol) but you had the choice of takin them and if they could help your grade but if you fail then it still doesnt count! WIN WIN... but i decide not to take mine! 2 A's, 3 B's... Ill take that so no finals here and im done with school!! Summer summer time!! Sunday MAY 9th i graduate with my associates degree! yayy.. and its also my 21st birthday! double YAYY!!

Well on another note, the finals were optional because there was a deadly car accident over the weekend. There were two passengers, my Friend Ross and a Girl name Brittani. All i know is that the accident was head on where she died! And Ross broke a few ribs. I didnt know Brittani but there were alot of student and teachers that did that are grieving. With this tragic accident the president decided to make finals optional. Brittani was a senior and was graduating this wkend on May 9th! Its very sad dwell on it because she was about to achieve a huge milestone in her life! My condolences and prayers are with her family!

I also need i mean NEED a new car!! lol my is shot, it was good while it lasted! Esp since me buyin if from a auction 4 yrs ago for on 400 dollars! but im determined to get a new one definitely by the time i go back to school! I also got exciting news of a new job i got for the summer! i was worried with the economy and all i wouldnt find one! Its a warehouse job, with decent pay, its kinda boring but hey who cares its a job! Thank GOD!!

Thats about it for now! Have a Blessed day!

Peace.Love.Happiness
Bruski

Maxwell is Biz-ack!! :)

So here is one of my old favorites from maxwell! we all know he was awesome back in the day! When i heard This womans work topped it off! His music is so soothing and relaxing! I love this R&B from the 90's



But He's back to making beautiful music! Heres Pretty Wings,off his up coming album! im so excited! I think ive listen to this song 50 times a days since last week! hehe.. its so beautiful... im glad he over came his obstacles... and he looks good!

Swag... more like a Fad!

So i was thinking about this whole fashion, swag, trends whatever you want to call it craze! I thought money ruled the world but these day it seems like fashion has become number one. It seems that everybody got swag, Im so sick of this word and how people use it for everything! Swag this swag that, swagger jacker.... blah blah!

Everyone seems to be caught up in this materialistic word. It funny how it works, From observations if you stand out, you fit in. And if you blend in youre a copy cat or better yet a swagger jacker. Dudes and females kill me when they feel someone biting they swag, if you gotta brag about it hten you aint got it! And being caught up in this whole materialistic world aint my thing! Some may say "she mad cuz she cant afford all that ish" lol

But I beg the differ i just choose not too. People that know me, know what it is.. hehe. I have plans and choose to think about more important things. Anyways Its all a fad... the things that hot not aint gonna be hot i bet two years from now! if youve noticed its constantly changing. Ive heard parents and grandparents say that was kool when i was a youngster. Things go aways and come back so why should i put all my time and energy in trynna to stand out when i really fit in.

I dont get it when a dude can buy a 150 dollar pair of shoes but his cell phone cut off! Yes Appearance is important but there's no need for a woman to be with a dude that cares only about his 100 pairs of shoes! You his girl and ask him for 5 dollars and he fresh as hell with $150 shoes, $65 shirt, $90 jeans but he cant give it to you! buddy got life twisted!

To People caught up in this whole Fad, think about the ample amount of money youve spent on clothing and accessories! Im sure you couldve done something alot better with it. Dont try to be big time and impress people especially if you aint made it yet!

Buddy System....?

And by buddy system i mean Cut Friend, Cutty buddies, Friend with benefits, etc! but i was thinking why guys and girls do it? Ive heard reasons like its convenient, I just like sex, 1 of the sex partners just got that "Good Good", or maybe one person thinks it'll eventually develop into a relationship! I have guy and girl friends thats atleast said one of those reasons they have buddies!

It is the 21st century i can see how people want things convenient! We want things to happen right away and sometimes not have to work for it ok... but i dont know if i want a sexual partner convient! What if they're convenient with others as well, not just you! Gross... youre askin for a STD! lol at the rate ppl are havin kids these days its kinda obvious protection isnt being used... IDIOTS! What happen to having to work hard for what u get? people dont think like that these days! its the fast life style thats kool i guess.

It crazy when People think something that's strictly sexual will develop into a solid relationship Esp. if the other person has no intentions. Basically theyre keeping you around until something better comes. Dont be the tag along, Youre just gonna keep gettin your feelings hurt from something u knew wasnt gonna happen in the first place! Esp. when u made yourself a sexaul target/object off the bat! Sorry but theyre just not into!

I mean i have nothing against it personally, not my cup of tea! I just dont get it, but hey do you! But do it Safely and RApp it up like BET!!

Kids... you gotta love them

Those pics up there are of my little cousin (Jaiden), who just turned 2 last week! My little cousin had him when she was 16 like the rest of the statistics these days but my mom stepped in for her. She still in school and graduates next year. I didnt know how this whole thing was gonna play out at first but it did for the best! He such a blessing & I love him to death. Its been amazing watching him grow up! I almost feel like hes mine, when Im with him until he poops or my fuse gets short so then i send him up to his mom! lol When he was first born He was so little all he did was eat! He had the biggest legs and ckeeks, I just wanted to bite them all the time lol. He started walkin early i think it was 9 months it was over from there! I knew he'd be gettin in everything soon! He never was a Fussy baby, like the ones that cried all night, he only cried when he was hungry or wet! Thats the kinda kid i want to too lol When he was about 1 we would talk to him and altho he couldnt talk you could see he wanted to because he would move his lips like he was talkin back... it was so cute!! Now that hes 2 he repeats everything i mean everything he hears! Even when i mom curses at my little siser or cousins! And we'll realize it when hes running around repeating it! oh gosh hes gonna get kicked out of daycare lol Its amazing how kids develop and they're so smart! He knows all of our names, count to 10, and hes forming sentences! My mom sits at home and teaches him most of it! He knows where his shoes go when he come home from day care, he cleans his on toys up, he does whatever my mom says when it comes to discipline! She'll make him sit on the couch and just watch tv! but with me he hardly ever listens, i guess cuz i play with him alot! Its kool i dont care, we just be wrestling and playing. oh, Did i mention i love him!
I can almost understand when someone says theres no love like the love of your children. I say that because i love jaiden very much, no im not his mom but its a different love. Ive always been the type to say i dont think i want kids! I mean they're so cute and adorable but not for me! Theyre so innocent and i dont see how someone could hurt them! but watching my cousin grow up really changed my mind i think! Now instead of none i only want one! lol but being around him makes me excited, nervous, happy, a little anxious to start my family in the future! No time soon im talking bout like 7 years from now! lol but when i think about it, its exciting espcially to have my own unconditional love like i mention before!

Where Amazing happens!!

You were cool from the first day we met.
The intensity and fast pace is what i liked best.
Understanding the rules wasnt hard at all.
But I had to get used to using a bigger ball.

You see, Softball was my first love.
So many didnt quite fathom me giving up my glove.
With you i could always play by myself.
Unlike softball, i always needed someone else.

This relationship we have is different than most.
You dont get mad and actually like it when i boast.
Jealousy doesnt occur when i want to do other things.
Because deep down you know the joy you bring.

I tried to break up a few years back.
But the competitiveness and Drive kept me coming back.
The unexpected and spectacular plays make this game.
Basketball is the sport, and life without it isnt the same.

What do you Do when love isnt enough?

So you were with this guy for 2 yrs. You both met your freshman yr of college. You thought he was handsome plus he was tall and athletic. Right away he makes you feel comfortable, it must have been his laid back and chill personality. But he definitely had a a sense of humor, jokes were a little corny but they fit him. You love music but never met anyone who loved it as much until you met him. He listened to all varieties and genres but he definitely had a thing for hip-hop! Not Rap like TI, Wayne etc. but old school flow. as you date you realize this guy is different than anybody you've dated before. You guys spend your days, week, and months together. Thats until he tells you at a point that he doesnt want a girlfriend and thinks you guys should take a break! He tells you hes distracted and needs to focus on ball & getting his grades up. You dont really know what a break consist of because youve never been on one. Youre upset cuz you really like him, but hey what can you do? Nothin but wait i guess... and thats exactly what you do! Hes talkin to his ex. over the little break but no biggie cuz youre talkin to yours. A few weeks later he apologizes & wants to get back together and of course you say yes!

So your back to spending days, weeks, & months together. Things are great and for the 1st time he even tells you he loves you and cares about you alot to sum it up. youre like YES, you felt the same way but didnt say anything cuz you wasnt sure if he did. You both know how each other finally feels. As time goes by things are awesome between you two until you realize you made a huge mistake creating him a facebook a few months back! lol Well u have his password and sees he messaged a girl on campus sayin he liked her and wanted to get to know her! Youre pissed & breakup with him. He tries to lie & sweet talk you but you seen it with your own eyes! At this point you begin to do you! We all know that consist of spending more time with the homegirls, alot more going out which means less church, drinking, and talking to other guys. All things you didnt do before... He realizes you dont care when you really do, youre just partying to cover it up.

Did i say he was a sweet talker, Well if not... "HES A SWEET TALKER" lol he does that and you go back but hes actually living up to what he said. Although things are going good, you dont stop partying. You just cant drop the homegirls or you know you'll hear it from them (Chicks b4 Dicks) Of course he doesnt like you partying on wk ends when you should be with him. Nothing changes until he goes back to his hometown in Tennessee for the summer while youre in GA. He pulls the plug for some crappy reason, You cant change his mind. SO your parents sees your heart broken and the moms def. doesnt like him from hear out. So you work and date over the summer but nothing offical cuz you know you & him both have to go back to school! Despite what friends and mom say you know your gonna give him another chance when he comes back, cuz he always does! Thats exactly what you do. You both decide to not do the whole break up every 2 wks & communicate better! Things went great that whole school term besides the him not doing the little things but you didnt sweat it cuz you seen the bigger picture. You QUIT partying and Things were finally lookin up.

HaHa... NOT! You became robocop one day while he was in the shower & found some stuff in his phone. WOW... you couldn't believe he had been cheating the past 3 mths. At that very moment the bigger picture crumbled into pieces, it didnt matter anymore. The whole time you've been convincing yourself he was diffrent but reality is he wasnt, just typical like the rest. You felt like the dumbest and smallest person in the world! He apologizes for wks and you have 50 missed calls a day! Youre over it, and heard it all b4 like Sunshine Anderson! You ask yourself how can someone that says they love you to death do something so low. He says he did it cause he thot you were talkin to other ppl. Great reason Douche bag!! NOT so lets say you give him another chance, youre tired of the presure & phone calls so you give in! Youre back together but not really cuz you dont feel the same what so ever, your like a ghost basically when youre with him, and theres not Trust! Which causes arguments! You were just about over being his girlfriend and said youre leaving! It came to you like an epiphany (chrisette Michele)! Youre still hurt & decide to end things for good. He feels its out the blue but you have your reasons obiviously plus you kinda feel like you lost yourself during those two yrs.

He moves to TENN for good and you change schools. The break up was bitter so you didnt expect to ever hear from him again! well little did you know you were wrong because he hit you up on myspace 6mths later sayin "Whats up? how are you?" basically. You guys communicate pretty heavy from there over the next couple of months. 1st off hes in touch with his spiritual side which is awesome. Hes really considerate and matured, things he wasnt before. But as you talk those feelings you thought were gone come back, especially when he tells you he "still Loves you." Hes coming home for a wkend and wants to see you.

Of course you want to see him its been 9mths since youve seen him. So He comes & you guys reminisce, laugh, hug, & kiss! You feel so at home like it was just yesterday you were in his arms and you were together. He says hes thot about askin to get back together and deep down so do you! You both feel the same & love each other to death so why not? Its not that simple... He in TENN living his life while youre in GA and has 2 yrs of school left. Long distance is hard & youre not sure if either of you are really willing to put in the effort. Plus hes going to the air force, you know you'd be behind him in that but its just another curve ball! Plus who's to say he wont just go back to his old ways, & u cant truelly trust him. You think you want to try but theres a good chance it wont work of you guys being together, the odds are just too difficult i guess! Do you just have an understanding where you look at the situation like it is what is & You move on? So what do you do because love sure doesnt seem to be enough?

Before the Worst

I love this Group! just listening to the song the other day and decided to share it with you guys im sure some ppl can relate also!

Just Friends....

I now see from a males point of view of wanting to be just friends with a girl! No relationship, no sex, just kickin it here and there. Only friends, someone you mite hit up to go to the mall, movies, grab a bite to eat, or just watch tv or something. Before I thought girls couldnt be just friends with a guy without liking or wanting more out of friendship than there really is. Well now i see some dudes are the same way.

Its really annoying when you tell them you only want friendship and they're steady trying to get at you every chance they get. STOP it, espcially if you been tryin for a couple of years, Get the point it aint happening! Im JUST NOT INTO YOU, i mean your cool but just not boyfriend material. You dont want to be mean so you slowly stop the communication. Less texting, no phone calls, and maybe a facebook message once a month. After a while you'd think they get the point, when months later they hit with a messsage of hangin out. Ok kool, he just wants to hang, you know hes been talkin to other females and ive been datin! So youre nice and youve been friends for a while and you dont want be rude. You guys go to the mall and get something to eat then go your seperate ways. Youre like FINALLY... he gets it, & you hope theres another female in the picture lol. Well the texting gets back up to like every other day. He hasnt brought up the topic of you guys being together or dating!

Sike, well a month goes by and your at home chillen when a random text comes in. "Whats up baby, i just wanted to tell you how much im into you and that i be thinking about you all the time i dont know why. I been trynna get at you forever and i think right now would be a good time to give us a try!" DAMN!!! He doesnt get it after all! So your kinda fed up at this point and reply with your reasons which are legit of why you dont want a relationship right now or with him period. When your done hes like "Oh, ok! I feel ya well you dont have to worry about me bringin it up again." You feel like the world has been lifted off your shoulders.

I dont know why he thought between that time of less communication to now that it was gonna happen. Well you slowly bring him back down to earth..hehe and he said he understands! haha Not, Silly you! He texts you one day and wants to know if you want to go to a get together, its one of his boys! youre thinkin to yourself i better not go by myself so you ask if you can bring friends? hes like yeah sure! You guys get there and its nothing but his FAMILY! No, one our age 19-22 besides us. You meetin the family and stuff thinkin to yourself "thank God i didnt come by myself"! This Dude tried to set you up for the okie dokie! Your jus chillen when one family member ask which one of you pretty ladies is my nephew girlfriend. All eyes on you, you just want to drop down and die for a little while lol so you just smile and say "hes just my FRIEND!" the whole night there were wedding and girlfrien jokes. You were so embarrassed and pissed and ready to go but couldnt show it. So you leave thinkin this dude told his folk i was girl or maybe they jus know he like me and they were teasing him! Either way you dont care, you know he doesnt get it and you decide to stop the communication again! Theres no Hope of being JUST FRIENDS!!

Just Me and You

Surrounded by these empty for walls,
Its just you and me.
Oh, No! Not again.
How could this be?

So whats the plan today?
Its just you and me.
Hope its not much, im too tired to play.
I was just in this same place the other day!

Aren't you getting tired of this?
Its just you and me.
When life was filled with such bliss,
Are the days that i miss.

Before you came along life was great, you see?
Now its just you and me.
All i want, is to be free.
I guess its my fault for inviting misery!

I wanna be....

As I was thinking the other day about my childhood and how i was so care free. I also had an imagination. I remember being spaced out thinking about you know the typical stuff like "What I wanna be When I Grow up". My mom would be calling me, "Britt come here!" Still no answer so she eventually send my sister. Then shes like didn't you here me calling you? "No ma'am I was doing something!" lol but as a child I had so much fun no matter what. I stayed outside with the boys all day from playing tag to football to catching lighting bugs lol, i was a tomboy! I was actually better and faster than most of them i was playing with lol. I loved sports and softball was my favorite until my uncle introduced me to organized basketball.

Softball was my first LOVE and my thrive for competition! I started at the age of four but as i kid i remember just loving the feeling of a team. I pitched, so when the crowd applauded when i would strike out the batter was awesome while my teammates gave me high fives. I didnt mind all the practices growing up and spending my Saturdays playing all day. I was good at it and wanted to play the rest of my life although i knew it wasnt a professional team. I figured it would be by the time i got older.

I started recreation basketball when i was 12. It was kool at first and i just continued to play because i was good. I didnt put softball on the back burner until 8th grade in middle school when i played and watched it less. I slowly began to fall in love with basketball. It was more competitive and physical. I was quick, athletic, and a nice jump shot! I loved every minute of it from middle school to high school. Its all i did. I wanted to play in college and eventually WNBA. If u asked what i wanted to do when i grow up thats the answer i would give you. I remember some would say "what if it dont work out"? I'd smirk and would reply "it is, thats not an option".

It wasnt an option until my senior yr i didnt get any offers in mail from colleges. lol Boy was that a rude awaking! "When i grow up" was about to changed again! Man, What else do i want to do? I mean i did like what the athletic trainer did when we got hurt, Its related to sports. And i heard that got paid good money. But a PE teacher seem easy also, At least at my high school. Paid vacations, possibly coach one day! They both seem like good ideas.

College rolled around and i decided to go with the Athletic trainer. Ball was out of the picture besides the causal pick up games you know. So i took my college courses at the middle Ga college (JUCO) on my path to become an athletic Trainer. My sophomore yr came around and the basketball coach wanted me to try out! WOW... couldn't believe it, didnt even expect it. I made the team and my jr yr I transferred to Emmanuel College (NAIA) to play Where i play currently! Its kool, no its not D1 but not many people say they're in college playing ball. So im thankful but i look at it now as more of a job & It helps pay for school. When i got to EC i heard they had a great kinesiology program. I began to think about how difficult it would be t find an athletic training job espically with this economy! One day i volunteered at a physical therapist clinic. I loved the environment. I wanted to work with others and help them recover and just observed patients progress. Yet, again I changed my mind about what i wanted to be. Yeah thats it a Physical Therapist! Finally... I found something that would make me happy and actually enjoy doing everyday. I graduate next yr with my bachelors and cant wait to get started in my career :)

I didnt realize how kids imaginations run wild until i thought about me as little one. Boy, The plans we have and its funny how some work out and some don't. But thats what we do as kids have fun and imagine. It helped me figure out what "I Really Wanna BE....."

-Bruski

AARADHNA

Well I came across the soulful charm of Aaradhna. Her voice is very soulful and before i looked her up i didnt know what she looked like but i didnt think she'd be from New Zealand. But Girl can sing and These are two of my favorite songs from her I Love you album.

Hope, Love, & Memories

How could something feel so good and bad at the same time.
I knew i wasnt supose to let these emotions resurface.
Deep down i knew you'd come back somewhere down the line.
You always did.

So you came back for a moment which felt like forever.
My world was a stand still, filled with bittersweet memories.
I asked myself if we could ever be again,
Without thinkin the answer is Never.
Im a different person then i used to be.

But I ignored my Brain and intuition.
I got caught up in the moment of the old you and me.
You said You "Still Love me" but what are your intentions,
Because im not trynna get hurt under your old conditons.
You seem to have changed but we'll see.

Months go by as we talk i feel like Im in heaven.
Im floating away , please someone catch me.
You're considerate, Intelligent, and in touch with your religion.
Where were these things when we were together?
Because you used to change up on me like GA weather.

Things are different now, i cant wait for you to come home.
Just me and you, our theme song.
Then i got a text, Little did i know i was wrong.
He said im not comin.... "This week is off"
Why? This is our only chance we had of movin on.

Now everything we talked about is gone.
And all u can say is I Love you & Good Bye.
Im sittin here with my back against the wall.
Shortly after that the tears began to fall.
I knew it would happen after all.

-Bruski

NEWNESS :)

Don't you love it when Things are brand new.... I tend to like it sometimes! New kicks, New seasons of the hills, New wall post on facebook lol! You get the idea... Well in this case of Newness i like and it seems as if it came at the right time!!! Everything is Cool when love is all brand new! Cause you're learning me and I'm learning you, Its Cool cause you're learning me and I'm learning you!

I enjoy talking late hrs conversations on the phone although i havent really did that since high school... but getting to know u is so cool! Theres not a dull moment, we laugh & talk about crazy stuff almost whatever comes to mind! lol I havent met someone thats just so easy to talk to that im actually into in a while! I feel as if we already knew each other! I tend to think why? Maybe its me being a kid at heart, or maybe its you being 2 1/2 yrs younger than me, or its just you being mature for you age. Who knows but i like it...As a girl i do get shy at times... but u had a presence where you made me feel comfortable right off the bact! Boy, It so cool talkin to u & it gets better every minute i talk to you! :)

I actually look forward to the morning Texts eg. Have a Great day babe! hehe. Its the little things... Since ive been talkin to Newness we made a list of things we have in common (cheesy i know) but its different never did it b4 and we're at 51.. It can only go up from here! :) At one point i thought newness was almost to good to be true! Considering we did meet kinda accidently... He still might be... but i think ill try to stick around to see!

Me and Newnes dont hang, chill, date, or whatever you perfer becuase hes about 6 hrs away in the next state but hes comin down for my 21st bday tho!! yayy :) I dont think anything will truelly evolve... you know that word (eg. relationship!) Who knows later on down the road? If Not i wouldnt mind a bestfriend thats a guy especially Newness! So my friends tell me eventually "dont think at some point Newness will be oldness"!! lol i laughed the lst time i heard her say it, it was funny! But to that i say... idk.. i guess he will! But Newness is kool right now so i aint thinkin about eventually.....

-Bruski

PEACE.LOVE>HAPPINESS

So this is my first BLog...
I decided to join because I was writtin my daily thots in a journal about different things then chose to get a blog and try it out instead! But the title is Peace love & happiness as u can see.. I chose that because its exactly how i feel right now in my life....so its kinda like a motto!

I'm not wealthiest (its a recession as we all know), but i dont act like it at times shoppin when i know my cell phone bill due!! hehe but Not everything goes perfect everyday but i must say i cant complain & im Blessed! I have great friends and family, & sometimes i wouldnt know what to do without them!! Im ending my jr yr as a college student working hard to be sucessful and make myself happy! But maybe along the way ill put a smile on someones face :)

So the Peace= is what it is! Well i consider myself a pretty cool chick to get along with everyone pretty much Guys and girls! im not the type of female that be like "I HAVE MORE GUY FRIENDS THAN GIRLS CUZ GIRLS ARE FAKE, BITCHES, ETC.." cut the crap i think u should take a look at yourself sometimes and see if ur the problem if u dont get alone with ANY female! altho some girls are caddy im just the type of person right now that wants to meet and come across as many ppl as i can! i say that because the more ppl i know and get to meet i feel i can learn something from them! No matter if its love and relationships, life, business, etc you never know! It'll only help me grow as a person! I'll also feel as if i mite learn what not to do by observing others experiences ya know! I've grown alot of the pst few yrs and im still climbing :)


LOVE... oh boy...
Well lets say im content right now! Im not lookin for love but if it finds me, thats kool to! Im also learning what true love is.. i think i almost got it but not quite sure..hhmmm! Love is bittersweet, it the best thing at times! Itll have u feelin superhuman like chris & Keri, then it also has it lows, the pain, and headaches! but When your on your high horse man cant nobody tell u nothing! lol anyways Love in my life right now is good... altho i may not have the love of the a male species right now but i know i ALWAYS have my Fam that loves me to death! I know this cuz the tell me often hehe! My family is very tight nit and I must truelly say the moms is my best friend! I know with her thats unconditional Love :)

Happiness :)
is within... ive learned that i have to make myself happy before i can go looking for happiness somewhere else! I guess u can say im in my happy place right now! lol... I Enjoy life, i only got one so why not? Ive come to enjoy the simple things in life! I love to laugh whether its with or at you sorry.... Ive always been the class clown i even got an award in 3rd grade! how you like them apples? So even if i dont ever achieve anything else in my life i have an CLASS CLOWN award(totally kiddin)but I dont make a big deal of things that doesnt really matter! U jus gotta chill sometimes and let things go... I can actually have fun by myself believe it or not lol I'd rather not but in some cases i have! theres alot of things that make me happy, like ridin with my windows down, blastin the radio and singin! AWW.... best altho i can t sing :( Music makes me happy! It speaks volume whenu cant find the words to say!
Just walkin outside to the sun shinning and pretty green grass makes my happy! I just say do what makes you feel good and smile! one of my favorite quotes is "If you cant see the bright side of life, polish the dull side" Be optimistic... I promis if u do these thing and just be free youll be happy and find your happy place :)

-Bruski