Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sometimes you just know...



I just finished watchin the last season of "The Game." I love this show,It jus may tops "The hills", naw never mind im pushing it lol. Its hilarious, and the plots are awesome, Tasha Mack is crazy and cant keep a man, you got the interracial relationship of cheap Jason and Kel, & last but not least theres Derwin and Mel. No its not your typical relationship because he was pro-football player and the life they live. But the things him and Mel went through are very real. Their relationship shows almost every up and down that can happen. They thought things were gonna be easy and farity tale. First Mel went against her parents and moving in with Derwin. I know parents are protective and want the best for their kids, espcially girl lol. This showed it was a hard thing for Mel to do, having to prove her parents wrong. Mel turned down his proposal. Then Derwin cheated, which im sure alot of girls could relate to. From there it seems their relationship started spiraling down hill. They both did things out of spite, both lost and confused. Making decisions without thinking and kept hurting each other along the way. They didnt know moving on would be easier said then done. But through it all they finally realized they were still in love. They had to answer whether love would be enough to keep them together. I think Its up to you to decide if its worth it. Mel had to deal with Derwin getting another girl pregnant and taking 2nd place to his kid. She finally faced her parents. Even tho Derwin got Janel pregnant and although he cared for her, he knew he still loved Mel. They didnt give up. I know this show is scripted but it really does show the realness when it comes to relationships. Through all the adversity Mel and Derwin made it. On the last episode Derwin said that "sometimes you question how do you know if you've found the right one?" Mel you can feel it, "You just know! I Know"

Friday, October 2, 2009

Tables Turned...

I cant begin to fathom why i told Michael was pregnant. I can tell he was nervous when he asked, "What do you mean you're pregnant, What about the birth control?"
I began to explain, "You know I've been sick the past two months and the doctors have been running test to figure it out. He took me off the pills to see if it would help. Mike'l promise i was gonna tell you."
I could barley finish my sentence. He replied anxiously, "What you trynna get me caught up? What the hell is wrong with you?When were you gonna tell me Sharon."
"And when were you gonna tell me you weren't leaving your wife asshole?"
Considering his tone i could tell he was pissed. "That doesnt matter. Damn it Sharon, what are you gonna do?" I simply tell him, "I dont know? But i gotta go, Bye." "Bye Sharon, Ill call you later. Do not call me please." and he hung up.

I knew exactly what i was gonna do. I'm not going to do anything because Im not pregnant. Thank God, Im too young to have kids. I figured maybe he would have no choice but to stay. Its the only thing i could think of, I dont know how im gonna get out of this one. I always tend to put myself in situations my parents warned me to stay away from. I'm 26, smart, successful, good career; but it seems the only thing im missing is a family. He promised to leave his wife to be with me but reality has set in that its not going to happen. On top of that I freaking sick and cant figure out what the problem is. I have a headache right now and feel so weak. My next appointment isnt til next week. I'm spose to work tomorrow, I dont think its gonna happen. Speaking of work i have to call my John back unfortunately. He's the senior partner at the firm.

Hoping he doesnt pick up while its ringing, but he does. "Hey John you called?"
"Yeah Sharon, i was just wondering if everything was ok and if you were comin in tomorrow?" he asked. Im thinking it would be sweet if he wasnt such a jerk. I tell him that i didnt know yet and i'd call him later to let him know for sure. I hate having to work with him. John actually got me on the firm, so i guess he feels like i own him something sometimes. He's a male whore also known as a player, inconsiderate and selfish, you can say our relationship is more like Love hate.

The week comes and goes and the doctor ran some more test see why my blood was so low. He said the results should be back in a week. Michael text me to say that he's gonna fly in a few days. Thats a bittersweet feeling because I cant wait to see him then again i dont know if i should tell him in not pregnant. Until he gets here, I got to work for a few days when i can. The next day made it work and found that John did most of my work for me which was nice. The most considerate thing hes done since Ive been workin here for 3 years. Besides, he owes me because i did the same thing for him a few months ago. On our lunch break Michael calls me, "Hey Sharon, what are you doin? and Im in town. Come to the apartment when u get off." Nervously i reply, "Im at lunch with John. But ill be home around 6." Michael doesnt care for John, so probably shouldnt have told him that. Then again, i know why.

The day goes by and i arrive to my apartment to see his rental car out front. I walk in the door and Michael is sitting on the couch. I could cut the tension of the room with a knife. I figured i'd speak first, "Hey Michael, its good to see you." He asks, "Why in the hell were you eating lunch with that Nigga? what you fuckin' him again since we having problems." For some reason I knew he was gonna trip about that because A year ago, i was sleeping with John while i was with Michael. Sarcastically i respond, "Michael dont act like you care, and you married so what if i was? But no im not, since I've been sick he just took me to lunch."
"So how far are you along Sharon?" which i knew was coming next. Dreading to answer, i make up a time frame, "Two months and counting. And no i dont know what im gonna do, before you ask."
"Well you better figure something out because i dont want anymore kids Sharon. My kids are grown almost out of school. What do i look like 43 with a new born?" Disappointed by his answer, i just leave the room to go to my bedroom. I can hear the front door open as i walk in my room. I guess hes gone to the bar to get a drink. At this point i dont really care where he goes, im just depressed. I cant be because im not pregnant but its the thought of him not wanting to start a family like he said he would. I get ready for bed and check my voice mail. The results are in from my test last week so i have to go to the office tomorrow morning. Im laying down and I hear Michael come in stumbling. I knew he went to the bar, i hate it when he drinks. He makes his way to the bed and i just pretend im sleep although its almost 1.

The next morning I make it to the doctors office and back home. Michael is still in bed which isn't surprising. I open the blinds, vacuum, and start to clean the apartment on purpose knowing he would be aggravated. He gets up eventually and makes his way to the kitchen where I am. "Where breakfast woman, im hungry?" Nonchalantly i reply, "I had an appointment, and you should try the bar since that where you want to spend most of your time."
"Im sorry, but Sharon this is a lot to handle. How did it go, what did they say?" as if hes concerned. Insteading of dragging the conversation, i tell him, "Everything is fine, theres nothing to worry about. And im not keeping it. The abortion is in a few days." By the look on his face and his body language, i could tell he was relieved. He come to me and hug me but it doesnt feel like the way he used to. "You know i love you Sharon, but this is the best decision for you and me both babe." I guess this is his way of trying to console me but it doesnt help. No one can help me right about now. My bigger picture and dreams in life are crushed. To play it down i tell him, "I know you're right. I love you too." He tells me hes leaving later this evening to go back home. To drained to discuss it, i just say okay and call me when you get there. I go back to lay down for a few hours.

As the days go by, it feels as if im getting worst. The prescription the doctor gave me helps a little but not on my bad days. Michael promised he would call when he got home and of course he hasnt. What if i was really pregnant and got an abortion? he wouldnt even have cared. He promised alot of things that he didnt do. Frustrated and depressed i sit and think how i put myself in this situation. How everything is falling apart and theres not much i can do about it. I text Michael to see why he hasnt called me. He says that hes been busy with work and family stuff. Pissed off i call him and surprisingly he answers.

"Sharon what do you want? I told you i've been busy."
I ask him, "Why didn't you call like you said? Why havent you done the things you promised?" He then tells me, "Im sorry but i already told you im not leaving my wife
I love her. Its time to move on. You're young, you can find someone else. Just leave me and my family alone please?"
"Youre gonna get whats coming to you Michael. I've never told your wife about us but i think its time she know since were being so honest."
He threatens me by saying, "You do that and you'll regret it i promise. He furious by the tone in his voice. I hang up the phone in his face. He calls and text me but i dont answer nor reply.

Later i begin to write a letter to his wife explaining our affair which is pretty detailed, so im sure she will believe it. I also attached some photos of us and emails exchanges to seal the deal. I send it for next day delivery to make sure she gets them as soon as possible. Which he did because the next day i had about 50 missed calls from him. I decide to call him back and of course i got the reaction i wanted. We argue back and forth. He tells me how he hates me, calls me a bitch and that i ruined his life. what he said must have hit a nerve i guess because i then tell him, "You ruined my life if anything, making false promises, Asshole. This whole thing wasnt real to you. You never took me serious, just all fun and games." He then tells me, "You didnt have to freakin send that stuff to my wife. Told you from day one how it was so dont blame me. You were screwing John and me so dont come at me about all fun and games.

I asked with out a care in the world, "Now am i suppose to feel sorry for you now that the tables are turned? What about me? At least you have a family and a life because im a dead man walking."

Sounding confused he asks, "Sharon what the hell are you talking about?"
And i begin to tell him, "Im HIV positive. Didnt you get the results in the packet i sent?"

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What about me?

Im laying down trying to squeeze five more minutes in to sleep before work, i hear his cell ring on the night stand. I'm thinking, "Should I look while hes in the bathroom?" "I know its her so why even bother?"
So i yell to him, "hey your phone, you want me to get it?" knowing he doesnt like me lookin in his phone. He walks in and replies with a smerk, "Woman stop playin!" He picks it up and calls back the number. I get up and get ready for work. Im in the bathroom washing my face but i can hear his conversation.
"Hey baby, yeah I made it safe to the hotel. I'm getting ready to go to the office in a few. I'll call to you later. I love you too."

I dont think anything of it because I'm used to it by now, i mean we have been dating 5 years now. Plus hes getting a divorce because the kids are almost out of school. Its almost like a routine. As I'm getting dressed he comes up to me from behind to hug me.

"Baby stop I'm trying to get dressed. I'm gonna be late if I dont leave in ten minutes, seriously." Knowing that I love being in his arms. It makes me feel so secure and his cologne doesnt help.
He replies with a smart comment, "I can help you get back undressed in two minutes."
I tell him, "I'll pass, Ive had a enough for one night my friend." I laugh and grab my purse while trying to put on my other heel. As i walk out the door he says, "knock em' dead babe, I love you." I simply reply, "You know it, I love you more."

The door shuts behind me and as i always do, i wonder if he's going to call her back. I get to work just before my supervisor, good thing because I'm trying to become junior partner at my law firm. Its Tuesday and i hate Tuesdays. I have to make sure all the clients paper work is done and filed correctly for their court dates. I have to call them to make sure they show up. I Shouldn't have to make sure they come, they are adults. But then again, they pay me.

Its been a long day, so i took a break to call Him to see if were still on for lunch. He didnt answer so i left a message. I wonder what hes doing because hes off today. I start back to work for a while. Two hours passed and he still hasnt called, I can feel the uneasiness in my stomach. I dont know if its because its Tuesday or its nausea. I try texting him, "Hey are you still meeting me at Bob's for lunch?" He replies, "No babe im sorry, something came up. Im so sorry baby ill make it up to you i promise. I have to fly home asap. I'll call you later."

Why am i not suprised? Man, i was so looking forward to lunch. We were going to make plans for our anniversary coming up. I guess i'll order chinese for take out and wait for 5 o'clock to strike to go home and watch "How to lose a guy in 10 days" for the 100th time this month.

Five O'clock finally came, I walk up my steps with the take out in my hand because i couldn't eat it earlier. That had to be the longest day ever. Its now ten and he still hasn't called. I call my girl friend, Shante to see what shes up to and tell her bout him skipping town. Shante doesnt like him at all and tells me i need to leave him, im wasting my time. I think its because of the age difference, Im only 26 and he's 43. I tell her, Im not wasting my time because hes gonna divorce his wife soon. She never wants to hear it, but we talk for a minute. Until i tell her, "Well girl i gotta go ill talk to you later. I dont feel good i need to get some sleep." She replies with the usual, "aight holla at cha girl!" She so ghetto but i love her.

The movie is over and its now 2 a.m. and still no call or text. I would but i know the rules, I cant call him if hes home. I try to lay down but my stomach is killing me. Motrin is normally the answer, so i pop three and go to sleep.
The next morning was worst than the night before. I call out of work, the season is changing and its cold up here in the north so maybe its the flu. The only good thing about the morning is he called. He said the one of the kids had an car accident but they're fine and he will try to fly back out in the next two days. I guess im content with that anwser but i let him go so i can go to the doctor.

The next few days were off and on. I tried to work but couldnt handle all the stress. and on top of that He hasnt called me in a 2 weeks. This has never happened and i dont know what to do. I know the rules but i just had to call. He picks up after the third ring with a mono tone voice like everything is cool.
"Why havent you called me? I thought you were flying back out?" "whats going on?"
He tells me, to hold on. I can hear her in the background. "what are you doing calling me. You know youre not spose to call me when im home. what do you want?"
In shock, I reply, "What do you mean what do i want? What's your problem?"
He ten tells me, "Im not leaving my wife, im sorry. I decided to just work things out." "Thats the only and nicest way i can tell you. I was gonna call you soon."
Im sure he could hear the anger in my voice as it trimbles, "what the hell? Soon when? Why all of a sudden and youre gonna just throw the past 5 years away?" "You promised when the kids were almost done with college you were gonna leave?"
The flatness of his voice makes it seems as of he doesnt care, and tell me "Im sorry, my family needs me."
I begin to breakdown cryin trying to tell him, "Im pregnant,I need you! What bout me? "